1.) Spend the morning/afternoon at a swim meet. Make sure you are super exhausted. Sleep for at least two hours.
2.) Get hungry, but absolutely do not change out of your pajama shorts. This is a critical step.
3.) Look in your closet. Which items look soft enough to not cause you more discomfort? Put them on. No, it doesn't matter what they look like.
4.) Wear heels! This is especially effective if you are a shortie because then people will be too shocked at the fact that you are eye level with them to notice your shorts.
5.) Do not leave for dinner immediately. Instead, practice braiding your hair. Your hair will serve as a key distraction piece in our fashion disaster puzzle.
6.) Admire the results:
When all else fails:
7.) "My nail polish matches my sweater, SEE!!"
8.) "I spent six hours in direct sunlight screaming my lungs out at three hundred small children. What's your excuse?"
9.) Show people your pretty hair:
Optional Addendum: If you are a nerdy scientist, you will want to bring an astronomy book with you to read when you get to the restaurant. Make sure you are very calm and nice to the waitress and are not in a hurry, for it is a busy Saturday night and she will appreciate it and be inclined to bring you nice things.